someone threw a dead crab at me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize