he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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