After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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