He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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