First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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