Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
