I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
