The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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