Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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