im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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