yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
