Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
