how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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