Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am naked and annoyed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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