Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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