I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
