Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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