Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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