whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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