I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
