so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
