It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
