Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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