drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
