If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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