mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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