There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
