It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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