This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
