Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
