i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
