i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize