I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
