alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
