Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
