I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
