Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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