Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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