I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize