So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
