and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
