on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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