drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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