omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
