Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
