It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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