Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
