if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
