got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
