No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
