I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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