pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Drake has all the answers
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
