Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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