I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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