singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
