I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize