You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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