i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
