I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
