we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
