she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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