the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
