Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
