he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
