He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
