Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
