I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
