i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
