My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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