It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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