I am midnight drunk by noon
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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