Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
