I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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