and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
and you fell through a lawn chair
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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