I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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